There are two things every bearded man dreads at social gatherings; strangers quizzing them on their face fuzz and, the ultimate no-no, strangers touching it. Of course we’re all for a little beard appreciation but just ask someone with an afro if they mind you pawing at their mane and their reaction is pretty much how we feel.
Next time someone asks you one of their inquisitive little questions, we suggest responding with the below.
Does it itch?
Does the hair on your scalp itch? Yes, it was itchy when I grew it for the first time but The Brighton Beard Company have done me a solid with their tiptop selection of grooming products including beard shampoo, boar bristle brushes and beard oil that exfoliate and moisturise so it’s clean as a whistle and feels fine.
And if you’re asking if it’ll be itchy for you…the beard oil has softened it right up, but there’s only one way to find out…
Why does it have ginger in it?
Genes - the Brighton Beard Company have done a great little blog post about it, maybe you should give it a read. You know melanin? The pigment that causes your skin to look tanned? Essentially, everyone has two components of melanin, called eumelanin and pheomelanin, which are black and red pigments, and when we inherit a mutated gene the red pigment doesn’t get converted to black correctly – hey pronto, ginger hairs. If you think you’re safe, there’s a chance you could have ginger kids.
Do you get food stuck in it?
Do you get food down your jumper? Of course certain foods are trickier than others – anything with the ability to create crumbs, tacos, and don’t even get me started on hot dogs. But no one eats those cleanly, do they?! At the end of the day, it depends if you’re a messy eater or not but a little brush down after and it’s fine. Thanks for your concern.
Can you hold a pencil in it?
My beard is a thing of wonder and mystery and not only can it hold pencils but it holds the secrets to the meaning of life. Seriously, please don’t try to put one in there now to test it out. I can’t give you a unanimous answer as it depends on the texture of your hair but if it’s thick and coarse it’s likely that yes it may be able to hold items.
Have you always had a beard?
Define ‘always’. I didn’t come out the womb with a full face of facial hair, no - can you imagine?! Also if I answer your question, can I quiz you on regions of your body hair and when they first started growing?
How long did it take you to grow your beard?
It can take anywhere between two months and six years to grow a beard apparently but a beard is never fully finished – it’ll always be a work in progress as it evolves into different styles.
What annoying questions have you been asked about your beard? Let us know by dropping us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.